Pollywogs

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....that is my internet scream of frustration and disappointment...

Today I went to down to clinic. I called my doctor yesterday, thankfully she was on call this weekend. I asked if I could come down on monday for my breathing test, and blood work, because to leave it until Tuesday, normal clinic day would be cutting it really close to cancel everything for our trip Wednesday morning. most things need to be cancelled within 24 hours....soooo we went down today and it was the worst breathing test I have done in eight months....with a white blood cell of 18 (normal is below 11) Grrrr

I blew a 19% a .68 liters...I guess it was coming though, I have been battling this infection with orals for the past two or three months. I still can't believe though that my lung function has dropped so low.
I can hear all the crackles and gackles and gurggles of awfulness inside my chest though. It's also not fun when I get out of breath putting on my slippers..time for a good tune up. Let the meds wash through my body, clean out the junk, and sooth the heaving and groaning chest. It's time, and so I've bit the bullet, the whole bloody gun (where did bite the bullet saying come from anyways?) and we start IV on Thursday. The earliest appt. they can get me for an out patient is Thursday for a picc line. I could have gone in to hospital today on the ward with a bed, and gotten a picc line in today and drugs started, but it is just to risky going in to hospital, in case I catch something else. There have been too many cases of people catching cepatia (a horrible bacteria that can have devastating results in people with CF) from being in the hospital. It is just not worth the risk...so I will wait three days, unfortunately to start. I'd rather start today, and get three days under my belt, to start feeling better, to start getting on with all the things I have planned, but c'est la vie.

It's really aggravating and sad that I feel so vulnerable by going in to hospital. I feel so threatened and not safe at all because of all the outbreaks and the horrible condition of the ward. I won't go in, and so as a consequence I have to wait three days to get started on medicine, when my lung function is so low, but to me the risk is just to great. I wish the ward was newer, and in better condition. I wish someone would swoop in with some money and be able to give the ward all private rooms, and our own bathrooms. Bacteria and germs love moist areas, like bathrooms, and the ward has us sharing bathrooms with other CF people...it is insane to me. They also have us stay on the same floor as people with cepatia. Out in BC I've read in some hospitals, they don't even have them stay on the same floor, let alone the same wing, like at my hospital. The cepatia CF's and the non cepatia CF's are on separate floors out in BC. Our ward is so run down, that one time I was in the hospital, a few years ago, my toilet overflowed the whole entire ward, and the nurse says to me, oh just use the washroom down the hall, and I had to say to her, I'm MRSA positive, I can't use the same washroom as other CF's. She was like "oooo right". It's that kind of care that is sometimes demonstrated, which scares me...what else goes on to cross spread germs and bugs between patients, so I just could not take the risk, and will wait the three days, ugh.

Three days is a long time to dwell and worry about getting a picc line in. The last couple times I've received one in, it has not been a pleasent expeirence. Here is some good news though, I got FIVE, that's right FIVE adavant pills to get me through the process, as well as a stronger strength of it. I usually get advant to help calm my nerves. It's for anxiety and when I take it, it just makes "everything okay". Last time they gave me a weak little tiny baby dose (it wasn't my regular doctor) and so I tried to take another pill half way through the procedure, and I dropped it on the floor...ARG. I was not a happy camper especially since the whole ordeal took an hour and a half, I was completely aware of everything, and I hated the doctor doing it. I've had that doctor 4 times before putting my line in, and each time has been disaster, a heart palpitation after he put it in, sticking me three, four, million times, does not seem confident, makes weird not funny, almost insulting jokes, and people tell me he is the head of the department. I tried to give the guy the benefit of the doubt the first 3 times I had him put a line in me...but the 4th time I had him, and it took him an hour and a half as well as both arms, AND when another doctor says to him, "would you like me to take over" (insinuating that he was taking way to long and going about it the wrong way) so on top of our previous history, me and this doctor, that was it, I called it quits on him...sorry dr. you've had it, I red flagged myself and you will never touch me again....So on Thursday if I see him, I'm either going to OD on my adavant pills, or I will just have to flat out refuse to have him, it's too traumatizing. I swear he makes me sicker from the experience for days after wards.

Anyways I'm not going to get discouraged, because these IV's will help me feel better. It's pretty frustrating when the littlest thing makes you get out of breath, so it will be nice to feel better on some meds...
It sure does feel like since November I've had some really bad karma coming my way...but I guess that just means it can only get better.
These IV's will make me feel fantastic again, I'll continue to work out, and while I'm at home doing these IV's I'll get to research my road trip out east with some girlfriends, my trip to California with my mom, my trip to Washington with my cousin, my trip to Barbados with my best girlie NM, and my trip to Ireland in September...All of course are works in progress, but hey I've got to have something to research for the next few weeks on IV! ha

I've been reading these books by Jeannette Walls, and I'd like to think I have gumption! So I've been handed a couple batches of lemons these past few months, I'll just pour myself another glass of wild jumbleberry juice please.