Getting Listed.

So as some of you already know from the email I sent out, I decided to get listed to get a double lung transplant last Tuesday. I was admitted to hospital on Tuesday evening, as I just was feeling totally so crummy. I usually do my IV's at home but I need some TLC from the hospital. I just was not able to do it anymore at home. I was exhausted, and had lost my zip. To lose one's zip is a horrible feeling...

On Tuesday one of the techs doing my breathing test who is not really one of the regular's I see, who is a little more shy, a little more reserved, (which I USED to mistake for being a sour grump face) and does not come bouncing in to the room all smiles, (I make it my secret challenge to try to get him to smile or laugh by the end of my breathing test each time I see him) so he has gotten used to me, and even cracks smiles now and talks to me more over the past year since I started my secret little challenge, but on Tuesday even HE said this to me "oh you're not your usual peppy self"....as soon as even he said that, I knew I needed help. Things were not good. All my energy was zapped. I felt like a quarter of the person that I am....and that is not a fun feeling at all. Which again just reconfirmed everything, that I needed to go in to hospital and get help, and that yes we were making the right decision to get listed. Over the past year as I look back, slowly but steadily things kept changing. I would miss lunch dates with friends, simply because of my lack of energy. It sneaks up on you though, you never really think about just how sick your getting until it's pointed out to you, you just kind of accept it and go with the flow, you adapt and don't really realize just how sick you are until, you look back in hindsight. I guess its a way of coping.

I'm currently sitting in the hospital, yawning, as they did an over night oximetry test on me, to see if I needed oxygen while I sleep, Every time the little finger thing fell off in the night, the alarm would bleep something horrendous! Not to mention I swear the city noises are getting louder by the day here!

I did a walking test yesterday and when I go on long walks, other then just around my house, I now require Oxygen walking around. Kind of a bummer...well no...total bummer, but I guess that's to be expected. These lungs are slowly failing. I'm glad I'm getting new ones. With CF, I think one of the only positive things about having it, is no one can really tell how sick you are from the outside. Throw on oxygen on your face and it's a whole different ball game. Now everyone knows just how sick you are, you stick out, you get noticed. It's a different type of game now.

I'm really excited to get these new lungs. I can't really walk very far at all now, without getting winded and sucking in air. I hate that feeling. It's so weird to think that I cannot even walk down the hall way without sucking in deep breaths of air over and over, trying to catch my breath. Isn't it odd how your body can turn on you? It's also odd just how FAST your body can turn on you. I hope I don't keep declining quickly, because that is scary in itself not being able to hold on long enough until you get your new lungs. It's also going to kind of suck living in this limbo world for a year if it takes that long to get new lungs....At least my cottage is within distance of the transplant hospital so I will be able to go up there during the summer and wait! Another plus!

Okay but enough about all the negative things! I just keep dreaming about all the positive things that will happen to me post tx. I am going to climb the CN tower, thats for sure. Looking at it last night, totally I am climbin' that baby. We went out for dinner last night to a Chinese restaurant on the lake. It was beautiful. I kept looking out the window and on the boardwalk there were all these people running...running AND talking to their running partners while running...I kept sitting there thinking, "soon enough hattie, soon enough. just you wait. That'll be you soon!" I am also going to go swimming again! Real swimming. I'm going to drag one of my best friends out to a swim team again like I did to her in highschool, (Q you don't know it yet, but it's a comin' so start practicing! hahah cause soon I'm going to whip your butt) Q sent me some lovely flowers yesterday to my hospital room. They are the most beautiful bouquet I have ever seen! So interesting, everyone keeps going up and touching them, and looking at them, cause they're just so unique, they don't quite believe they're real haha. I of course bawled my eyes out as soon as I got them, not only because they are blindingly beautiful, but because I am so overwhelmed with the tons and tons of emails, texts and thoughts coming my way by everyone in the world that I love. I am even getting emails from NZ and Europe...the world is enveloped literally in a big old bubble of positive love energy coming my way. I can't lose.
I am also going to go on trips where hiking is an absolute must post tx. I've been planning with my mama the first trip I'm going to take post tx. Hiking and walking is top priority. I'll actually be able to go on walking tours, and enjoy them? instead of dreading every step! It kind of seems surreal to type that, and think about it. I am getting goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach thinking about it! I'm probably just never ever going to stop!

Everyone has been sending me THE BEST emails and texts ever. I don't think I could be going through this whole process without all the support I've been getting. It's amazing. Thank you for all the kind words, energy, and vibes! Physio therapist is coming in soon though, so I have to get going. I was suppose to watch the marriage ref last night so we could discuss it while she pounded my back to loosen all the mucus, but I totally forgot to watch! ahah I will say one thing though, I'm glad I signed my family up for Rogers PVR before I came in to the hospital...so I don't have to miss LOST, the Office, or Parks and Rec! haha...a girl has to have her priorities straight right?