I'm getting scared.
Today I can't do anything. I went for a walk, if you want to call it that, around the property to stretch my legs with my mom, and I now look like a feeble crippled person. The type you see in physio who are just so fatigued, sick and old.
It's getting harder and harder. My white blood cell count has been rising all week...meaning infection and I've started coughing up a bit of blood again...I'm getting scared. At what point do your lungs stop working? I'm down to 17% lung function, and each week, it keeps going in the wrong direction.... Things are not keeping stable. This is a scary game to play.
I need some reassurance from the doctors tomorrow. I called them today, and we'll do all the regular tests tomorrow at clinic...Lungs, where are you? I really, really, really, need you now...
Old lungs, please keep breathing...please keep pumping, just a little bit longer, the new ones are coming, they are, they are. please come soon.
6 comments:
I know there is not much I can say to make this better, but please know that I'm sending you positive energy and I know in my heart your lungs will arrive soon.
Colleen
Colleen told me you needed a little positive vibes your way. Thinking of new lungs for you ASAP, stranger.
Peaceful Things,
Josh from Joshland
I'm sorry you are scared, I would be too. I pray the doctors will have answers for you tomorrow. I am praying for you.
You are in my prayers. =)
Alright time for some calming words your way. You are loosing function but 17% is still somewhat sufficient considering I was probably at 5%. Walking does get tough, more than you'd probably have thought of but keep pushing. This is the scariest part of it all, but your lungs WILL come in time. This is the bridge to the other side; the healthy side. It seems like time is passing fast and yet slowly, but keep holding on because you are strong, because the world needs you, because you are Hattie. You are doing well, and I keep thinking of you..soon you will be taking deep breathes and this will all fade far away.
At what point? The point is up to you and you just need to keep pushing the point back further and further. You're doing great H, all things considered!
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