2 year lung anniversary

Tomorrow is my 2 year lung-iversary. Read my post 3 days before transplant here. Read my 1 year lungiversary account here.

Can you believe it's been 2 years since they cut me open, scraped out my old disease lungs and put in these new healthy pink ones! Too much info? Did you forgot how I don't leave much to the imagination? It's been so long since I've updated this blog. You know that's a good sign! Nothing in my CF life needs updating. Don't think I could easily give up blogging though. Check out my Style Inspiration blog for updates here and there of adventures. Click here. 

This past long weekend, was the first weekend I spent OUT of the hospital in...YEARS. The last two were strapped up to IV medications, or chemotherapy, (last summer I had lymphoma). Two years ago tonight, who knew I would wake up ever so gently by the nurse to tell me "Hattie your new lungs are here..."

Man, that seems ages ago. My mind has slowly but surely started erasing a lot of those memories
As I'm typing this blog post out "What a fine life we are living" starts playing on my itunes. Isn't it funny how that happens?
Listen to the song here.

This past year has been the best year of my life. Who knew breathing could be so substantial in living? Ha. Who knew it took everything I had to live my life by doing medical routines...you never really know how bad it is when you're living it, until you experience how good life can be without all that medical stuff. I look back now and think...how did I do it? How do current CF patients do it? Everything CF patients have to deal with...no wonder people used to be in awe of everything me and my family went through...we went through hell, and you just never really know how bad it is, until your life suddenly becomes everything life should be. Freedom. Breath. Love. Strength. Euphoria.

Someone two years ago lost, probably the most wonderful person, I will ever know, because they were an organ donor. They saved my life. I did not know how I was going to make it to the following weekend. Coughing...oh god the coughing and hacking and breathlessness...I really did not know if I could go another week. My donor took my life from a little mud puddle, to being able to live on my own, to falling in love, to having a future. Thank you donor family. I'm so sorry your day is not as happy as mine is today.
Happy two year lung-iversary to me.
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart, Donor family.
Today I worked out in 35 degree weather outside at a boot camp, I went swimming in my boyfriend's pool, I ate a healthy (non high fat diet) lunch. Donor you made that possible. You. Are. Amazing. I. Love. You. Rest in peace dear dear donor.

me in march putting my lungs to good use inWHISTLER BC. I got teary eyed at the top knowing this never would have been possible without my donor!

me and my manfriend, we did a lot of hiking! I swear I didn't stay up there the entire time, I put my new lungs to good use!

me and carly in vancouver

we went zip treking in whistler too!

be careful what you wish for....

Sometimes this is how I feel...why me?.... Really? ...Didn't I already go through a tragedy? (maybe getting a double lung transplant does not count?) And it's not like I even got to enjoy the whole year of this new life...it took me 6 months to truly begin to live. 6 months after transplant I was still workin' my butt off in rehab, etc.

Did I do something that horrible in my last life? Or am I being punished for that time when I was 12 years old and told a boy who walked into the girls washroom "oh this is the girls washroom" not realizing, he was actually a she (yes I still feel bad about that) sigh....

Someone told me "you know what Hattie, if it wasn't PTLD...it woulda been something else...SO here's hoping the tumour shrinks with just the steroids" ....true that, KA. (it's good thing your best friends have your back and can see the reason through the horror)

I know I have to stay positive and not think so blah....but hey I just got the blow on Thursday, so give me a little while to digest, no? Especially since they faked me out with the "untrue" biopsy results and I thought I was home free.

The key here is to distract the bananas out of myself. 

Because sometimes I just randomly cry. It just starts slipping down my face, in the most random of places and it's embarrassing and sometimes it just has to overflow from my eyes and leak, If I get too overwhelmed and start thinking to far beyond tomorrow. So it will be my one and only post (I hope) of glumness. Have to stay positive. It's one of the only things I can do.

We were talking about living back in the city tonight (we gave up the condo June 30th, I know right, what bollocks luck!)...did I wish to hard? to be in the city for the summer? Ha now we have to find a new place, because I'm "sick" again in the hospital...Lesson heard, and learned...Be careful what you wish for? 


At least this year, I walk and walk and walk, and breathe and breathe and breathe. J, told me "you know what...no matter what they throw at us...at least we are breathing." Boy... what a high price we pay for breath eh? Every single person is so gosh darn lucky to be breathing, to be getting older. To be living. We are fighting glitches every day. It was okay when it was just tiny little bumps in the road...but this seems like a mother effin', HUGE, almost at sometimes too hard to imagine, road block, kind of need super powers to fly over it! (Don't worry I have always wanted to learn to fly, So i'm sure I'll get my wings somewhere and make it over this road block, see positive thoughts, positive thoughts)


The doctors sure did a GREAT job on keeping my lungs good though (maybe a little too good since PTLD is caused by an over suppressed immune system, I've always been really sensitive to drugs, maybe that will prove to be a good thing for the drugs to get rid of PTLD)...It's just such a shame I was EBV negative and CMV negative, yet my donor was EBV and CMV positive (meaning when he <I still think it was a male donor> came in my body he gave me both viruses, and they started wreaking havoc on me)...If I had of known all these bad things would have happened to me, I might have held off for a more perfect match of lungs...but thinking back I guess I did not have more time to hold on to.

SO c'est la vie. The price I paid for breathing and living. Worth it? I know you might think I'm crazy...but yeah...It was worth it...and still is.

Selfish that I love living too much? That I put my family and friends through so much! hell I'm not even one year out (that's on Tuesday July 5th, one year lungiversary) I dunno I guess I just like living, talking, laughing, breathing and dancing too much?
Sorry folks, but you'll just have to put up with me a little bit longer...I'm not ready to go yet.

And mama d-stan...Ah mama d-stan, the "pillar for our family". A stranger told us the day I got hosptailized and it was her birthday, without even knowing who she was, he found out it was her birthday and said, "you go out for dinner, you deserve it, you work hard all year, your the pillar and rock for your family" understatment of the year...why was this strange man saying this to my mom? That's not something a stranger in the elevator who over hears a birthday conversation says to someone! He even looked like a guardian angel. So here's hoping that was a good omen. Mama D-stan Sorry for being who I chose to be my stress ball this week. I've never been too good with saying words out loud (even though I was in the drama progam at mayfield, I never tried out or wanted to be in a single play, and do not like giving speeches, etc. I think I sound weird or something, but I like to write) so here is my apology to my mom, for having to be my stress ball this week, and feel the wrath of HIGH,INSANE doses of prednisone steroid. (sorry friend Ian for getting it tomorrow ha, kidding i'll take it easy on you) mama I love ya. And I'm sorry I'm sick again. I promise next year I won't get hospitalized on your birthday! (every year, every gosh darn year. aye yai yai!)